Automated Telephone Answering Systems

Jesus CHRIST! Is there a person on this planet whose like;

"Wow, I really like dealing with an automated telephone answering system. It makes things so much easier than talking to a real person!"

If there is, I'd like to meet him, and then punch him in the face because he's probably an automated answering system salesperson.

I'm currently sick and took yesterday off work. While I was home I decided to get some things done; clean, do bills, etc. I'm a big fan of the automatic debit system so I don't have to think about my bills at all. I'm in the process of getting all my bills transferred into that system and, ideally, it will save me about $7.00 a month in postage... that's $84.00 a year.

So anyway, in dealing with all this I have all sorts of questions and stuff, specific to my accounts, that websites don't typically answer so I'm calling place after place. And, without fail, I'm talking to automated system after automated system. And, also without fail, every one of these systems is totally different and completely fucking sucks.

I know these systems are in place so corporations can keep fewer "representatives" on the payroll. They are designed to limit call traffic to the actual people drawing a paycheck. They do their job very effectively because, I'm sure, most people hang up in frustration before getting through to a real person. Every automated system should have a built in option they tell you immediately; "If you wanna speak to a real person, press 0". Of course, 99% of people would just press 0 and tell the automated system to fuck off.

What compounds the issue is that not all automated systems are the same. Unlike the web, it's not always easy to get back to where you came from so, if you end up somewhere you don't want to be, you're fucked. Some systems will have options that SOUND like they might be what you want but turn out not to b. Other systems have options that sound nothing like what you want but are.

I've decided to be a millionaire some day. When that happens I will invest in a corporation that forbids automated answering systems in its bylaws.

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