Single Life
The Colors of Dating - round 3
by incarna , on October 11, 2007 12:03 PM - Comments (0)
So my first Colors of Dating blog was about casual sex and my second was about relationship. Now I’m going to talk about the all-to-often ignore “middle ground”; self discovery. This will be my most philosophical (and hence, least funny) blog in the series.
It is one think to think you know what will make you happy in this world. It is quite another thing to truly know what will make you happy. Discovering what will make you happy is a rocky road that only the brave venture down. You can’t discover what will make you happy without breaking a few hearts along the way and you can’t live a healthy relationship not knowing what will truly make you happy without breaking the heart of someone you care for deeply.
Ok women, what do you want in a man? You wan someone who’s funny? Caring? Nice? Strong? Sexy? Sounds good. I’ll have about 1,000,000 boyfriend applications for you in about 30 seconds from my local bar, clubs, work, and the internet. What do you REALLY want? I’d guess that most don’t truly know. You want a nice guy who likes you… but there aught to be something more.
What if I introduce you to such a guy and he’s a little stupid? Maybe he’s not stupid. Maybe he’s poor. Maybe he’s rich but his dick doesn’t work that great. Maybe his dick works great but he has a huge inferiority complex. Maybe he’s completely secure, but he has 6 kids. Maybe he doesn’t have any kids but he has serious clinical depression, I could go on forever.
So men; she’s got to be hot, smart, and confident right? Easily done. Girls like that come a dime a dozen. What do you REALLY want? I’d also guess that you don’t really know.
What if she has those attributes but she’s clingy? Maybe she’s not clingy but she’s flirtatious with other guys. Maybe she’s not overly flirtatious, maybe she’s bossy. Maybe she’s not bossy, maybe she’s a door-mat. Maybe she’s not a door-mat maybe she is sexually repressed. I could also go on forever.
The world is a buffet. In my relationship blog I told you to date the whole world. That is even more necessary if you’re dating for self discovery. Hit the dating buffet and grab some mashed potatoes, some ham, some eggs, some chicken wings, some green beans, some jello and dive in. Then, get up and go for seconds, and thirds, and fourths. Before long you’ll have a pretty good idea of what you do and don’t like at the buffet… sure you’ll probably get stuffed and not want to go back to the buffet for a while and maybe you’ll even try something that makes you barf… but it’s all an adventure.
The interesting thing about the modern era is that we are exposed to hundreds, probably thousands of more people on a day to day basis than our parents or grandparents. This creates a melting pot of personalities and attributes that we can literally window shop from. Sure, some might not be “available”… but some will be.
I sometimes hear women say things like; “I think he’s cool but I would never go out with him because I get the sense that he’s too much of a redneck.” My immediate response to that is; “What the hell is wrong with you? Go out with him! See what he’s like? If he’s too much of a redneck, big deal! You had a date. Things weren’t there. Maybe you’ll be surprised and find out you kidna like rednecks! Or maybe he’s not a redneck at all. Maybe you just thought he was!” Just because you think you won’t like something doesn’t mean you actually won’t once you experience it.
I sometimes hear men say things like; “I think she’s cool but I would never go out with her because she has a kid.” My immediate response to that is; “What the hell is wrong with you? Go out with the girl! Maybe you’ll find the kid is too big a deal. So what? Things weren’t there. Maybe you’ll discover you really like the kid and her. Or maybe you’ll find out that she’s only interested in casual dating instead of a babies-daddy.” Don’t judge things without trying them.
In love you can go for a bronze medal. Find someone who you click with. Find someone who’s compatible with you, keeps you company, and maybe make a few babies.
You could also go for a silver. Find someone you enjoy. Find someone who enjoys you. You make each other happy and maybe make a few babies.
But only the truly honest, truly brave go for the gold. Find someone who compliments you in a way that you compliment them. Find someone who expands you world in a fantastic direction you never thought you could experience or enjoy. Your passion is constant for each other and your babies see true love in their parents eyes.
There’s no shame in not being certain as to what you want in another person. If you’re not certain it’s best to admit that to yourself and whoever you’re dating than to pretend or flat out lie. Some people look down on those who don’t know what they want in a partner. I would argue that there are only a very very few people who TRULY know. As I said early on;
It is one thing to think you know what you want in a partner.
It is quite another thing to truly know what you want in a partner
Are you brave, honest, and strong enough to know the difference and acct accordingly?
It is one think to think you know what will make you happy in this world. It is quite another thing to truly know what will make you happy. Discovering what will make you happy is a rocky road that only the brave venture down. You can’t discover what will make you happy without breaking a few hearts along the way and you can’t live a healthy relationship not knowing what will truly make you happy without breaking the heart of someone you care for deeply.
Ok women, what do you want in a man? You wan someone who’s funny? Caring? Nice? Strong? Sexy? Sounds good. I’ll have about 1,000,000 boyfriend applications for you in about 30 seconds from my local bar, clubs, work, and the internet. What do you REALLY want? I’d guess that most don’t truly know. You want a nice guy who likes you… but there aught to be something more.
What if I introduce you to such a guy and he’s a little stupid? Maybe he’s not stupid. Maybe he’s poor. Maybe he’s rich but his dick doesn’t work that great. Maybe his dick works great but he has a huge inferiority complex. Maybe he’s completely secure, but he has 6 kids. Maybe he doesn’t have any kids but he has serious clinical depression, I could go on forever.
So men; she’s got to be hot, smart, and confident right? Easily done. Girls like that come a dime a dozen. What do you REALLY want? I’d also guess that you don’t really know.
What if she has those attributes but she’s clingy? Maybe she’s not clingy but she’s flirtatious with other guys. Maybe she’s not overly flirtatious, maybe she’s bossy. Maybe she’s not bossy, maybe she’s a door-mat. Maybe she’s not a door-mat maybe she is sexually repressed. I could also go on forever.
The world is a buffet. In my relationship blog I told you to date the whole world. That is even more necessary if you’re dating for self discovery. Hit the dating buffet and grab some mashed potatoes, some ham, some eggs, some chicken wings, some green beans, some jello and dive in. Then, get up and go for seconds, and thirds, and fourths. Before long you’ll have a pretty good idea of what you do and don’t like at the buffet… sure you’ll probably get stuffed and not want to go back to the buffet for a while and maybe you’ll even try something that makes you barf… but it’s all an adventure.
The interesting thing about the modern era is that we are exposed to hundreds, probably thousands of more people on a day to day basis than our parents or grandparents. This creates a melting pot of personalities and attributes that we can literally window shop from. Sure, some might not be “available”… but some will be.
I sometimes hear women say things like; “I think he’s cool but I would never go out with him because I get the sense that he’s too much of a redneck.” My immediate response to that is; “What the hell is wrong with you? Go out with him! See what he’s like? If he’s too much of a redneck, big deal! You had a date. Things weren’t there. Maybe you’ll be surprised and find out you kidna like rednecks! Or maybe he’s not a redneck at all. Maybe you just thought he was!” Just because you think you won’t like something doesn’t mean you actually won’t once you experience it.
I sometimes hear men say things like; “I think she’s cool but I would never go out with her because she has a kid.” My immediate response to that is; “What the hell is wrong with you? Go out with the girl! Maybe you’ll find the kid is too big a deal. So what? Things weren’t there. Maybe you’ll discover you really like the kid and her. Or maybe you’ll find out that she’s only interested in casual dating instead of a babies-daddy.” Don’t judge things without trying them.
In love you can go for a bronze medal. Find someone who you click with. Find someone who’s compatible with you, keeps you company, and maybe make a few babies.
You could also go for a silver. Find someone you enjoy. Find someone who enjoys you. You make each other happy and maybe make a few babies.
But only the truly honest, truly brave go for the gold. Find someone who compliments you in a way that you compliment them. Find someone who expands you world in a fantastic direction you never thought you could experience or enjoy. Your passion is constant for each other and your babies see true love in their parents eyes.
There’s no shame in not being certain as to what you want in another person. If you’re not certain it’s best to admit that to yourself and whoever you’re dating than to pretend or flat out lie. Some people look down on those who don’t know what they want in a partner. I would argue that there are only a very very few people who TRULY know. As I said early on;
It is one thing to think you know what you want in a partner.
It is quite another thing to truly know what you want in a partner
Are you brave, honest, and strong enough to know the difference and acct accordingly?
Tagged with: dating, Relationships, Self descovery, Sex
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