Jessica Biel LinkedIn!

Social networking is the future. Get used to it. You can have contacts through Myspace, Facebook, LinkedIn, and numerous other social networking sites with everyone from Ron Jeremy and Britney Speers to John McCain and Hillary Clinton. The term; "Six degrees of separation" has never been more accurate than it is today with social networking, and Jessica Biel is joining us in the digital world... or, at least, someone she pays to maintain her LinkedIn profile... the Jessica Biel from MulvannyG2 Architecture is gonna be PISSED.

I can picture it now. Jessica gets up early on a Saturday. She staggers into her computer room in her pajamas with a warm cup of coffee and logs in to her profile to see what's new. She's a hot chick so, without question, she has to go through about 250 messages from guys who think that taking a photograph of themselves in the mirror without a shirt on is a good way to get chicks online (it isn't).

She has a message from George Miller; "R U On 2 B Wonder Woman? LOL!" She opens the message, reads it, and replies; "George, your shirtless photograph is SO sexy. I still have to talk to my agent!!!!!!111one"

She sees she has a comment from her good friend Edward Norton from 'The Illusionist';"All those chicks who say that size doesn't matter are LYING! I should know. I used to be small and now I've got a jackhammer! Check out this site and let me know what you think. It really works!"

So she sends him a message because she's nice; "Edie! Your account has been phished. Take care, xoxoxoxo."

She has a message from me and replies; "Incarna! I love your messages. They're so deep and intelligent. Please write back soon, I can't wait to talk to you again. I LOVE that you don't have a shirtless photograph that makes you look like a closet homo. Call me!"

She's bored and doesn't have anything to do for a few hours so she opens up a bulletin from her friend Adam Sandler from 'I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry' entitled; "Bored Sexy Survey" she goes through the list of questions, one by one; what color underwear do you think is the most sexy? Do you like anyone on your top friends? Have you ever gone all the way in a car? If I were a retarded adolescent who didn't have the balls to tell you I was attracted to you would this survey help my chances with you?

That's how Jessica Biel's social networking experience will go down. I already know it.

Tagged with: Adam Sandler, Britney Speers, Edward Norton, Facebook, George Miller, Hillary Clinton, Jessica Biel, John McCain, LinkedIn, Myspace, Ron Jeremy